We like the original bomber jacket, we like the bomber jacket for girls, and we like Rihanna, and yes, we love putting elements together and making them match. We also love the oversized bomber jacket concept, long bomber jackets for women, or long women’s bomber jackets. That’s what happens with Bomber and Rihanna. Her way of understanding this garment is almost a lifestyle, a unique lifestyle if we may say so because NO ONE wears this type of jackets like her, for better or for worse. Do we need to prove it? Here we go.
You can also check out our article on chic ways to wear a bomber jacket. It might interest you a lot if you’re thinking of buying a women’s bomber.
Words fall short to explain what we’re saying, so “show me baby, don’t tell,” and even at the risk of sounding like critical gossipy ladies, you know, like, “hey, how’s that girl doing?” It’s all in good fun, really. Well, more or less. Rihanna, we love you, but the spirit of Anna Wintour has possessed us, and we can’t help but be critical. Warning! From here on out, we might embark on all sorts of adventures.
1. Baseball Gulliver
Dear Riri: tell us you’ve got a boyfriend who plays basketball, and you borrowed his jacket, and it’s all Hollywood’s fault for giving you a complex about dating the quarterback from your high school when you were a teenager and wearing his jacket after the games. Even if the jacket is baseball and the guy got the sport wrong, and you got the graduation mixed up with contact lenses. Please tell us it’s not yours or call us, and we’ll find you a new stylist. We’re the fashion lifeline. This red bomber jacket is the bomb.
This NBA bomber jacket is too much for our eyes.
2. This is what you came from
There’s no X in the world to express this size; it would be a XXXXL, and we’d still fall short. Okay, you might like them wider, like a boyfriend’s effect (borrowing it from your boyfriend/friend/dad for life), and it’s super IN right now, but seriously, the only plausible explanation for that size is if your boyfriend is King Africa, and even then, it’s a stretch. We tried to compare, and there’s no X as bright on any treasure map that can compete with Barbados reflecting sunlight at night. Although truth be told, we’re not covering our eyes because of the jacket’s reflection; it’s because of your shoes. Seriously, why? Going out to buy bread in slippers is so 2003… Your bodyguard thinks the same, his face says it all, I hope you pay him enough to endure that embarrassment.
3. Everything has an explanation. Bomber jacket or something else?
Our investigative journalism is so excellent that it has managed to find the reason for Rihanna’s extra-long bomber jacket: it’s her portable sleeping bag. On transoceanic flights, there aren’t always as many comforts as it may seem, and this is her adaptable/tent. It’s a 3-in-1 like at Carrefour: blanket, sleeping bag, and tent. All in one, and portable, how could she part with it? How do we know all this? It’s not very difficult to figure out what she was doing five minutes before this photo; we look the same when we get out of bed. Well, except for the sunglasses, but that’s what being a Diva is all about. Elegance wherever you go.
4. Monster High Lips
Okay. Well, we don’t know if you’re reading this or if your bodyguard couldn’t take it anymore and asked you to change your shoes. Since Creeper shoes come to you for free, we assume it didn’t take much effort, although we have to say that Creeper shoes are the least creepy thing about your look because, seriously, those lips? It’s like you fell asleep on your neon blue highlighter notes and thought, “Why not?” Diverting media attention is an art you master, and we have to admit you’ve succeeded in getting us not to talk about the bomber jacket in your photo, a great achievement. We grant you that.
5. Pink Panther Lobotomy
When you combine pink fluffy and zebra, you get Rihanna’s bomber jacket with extra hair (in case you’re wondering, it doesn’t pass the food handler health inspection). She had to add something to the pink bubblegum that would match the spirit of freedom of her shoes. But, the size is perfect, nothing to criticize about this very discreet pink bomber. You can’t hit the mark every time, even as a celebrity, and you thought being a star wouldn’t be hard. Amateurs.
6. Crop Top Bomber, a bomber jacket for girls
It was clear that sticking to your size wasn’t your thing, so after your slip-up buying a bomber that would fit your body, you decided you had to fix it. You thought, “Why buy a women’s bomber when I can buy a girl’s bomber?” Problem solved! While we think it’s cool that you’re adapting bombers for pool parties, we’re with you to make them more utilitarian in all aspects of our lives, but that print that looks like you stole your grandma’s quilt? Why do you want to hurt us? Don’t you have enough already? Please stop reveling in our suffering; you’re an icon, don’t make the new generations think that’s okay.
7. Dead Pearl Gray
Pants that fell into a bleach bucket, suede shoes, and a bomber jacket designed for Schwarzenegger’s arms: the perfect outfit to cry. We assume that’s why you’re wearing those sunglasses, to hide your tears after looking in the mirror and seeing the grotesque reflection it gave you. We’re crying too. Ludwig Mies van der Rohe said, “less is more,” but we say having a second outfit is much more.
8. Aluminum Foil
This is like when your mom wraps your sandwich at school, and boom! A wild Rihanna appeared. And with the same weird folds as when you unwrap it, it’s extraordinary. The bomber still has a pass, but the skirt… it’s a mess. Plus, that hot pink visor that matches the lipstick tone is proclaiming to the world that it knows how to combine colors, choosing clothes (like a nice bomber jacket) is a different story. The singer has always liked to take risks, but after all the remixes before, adding some gold to the ensemble is going too far. That’s why even her fans prefer to take pictures with her bodyguard instead of immortalizing her in those outfits. We understand them so much…
9. This dress is the bomber
We’ve seen that this girl buys without checking the size because when you’re rich and famous, waiting in line is a drag, and if you also have no shame like our protagonist, you can do whatever you want, even wear a bomber jacket as if it were a party dress, with bare shoulders included because who wants to cover their shoulders when they’re cold, right? The only existing explanation is that nothing else matched her shiny animal print boots, so we’re facing the new women’s bomber jacket of the moment. We hope for a season without seeing them again, and we’re thankful for that.
In conclusion, the international singer has fired her stylist for allegedly drinking on the job (supposedly) because otherwise, it doesn’t make sense. Although it could be that she’s the one packing her suitcase at night sleepwalking, which is another option that this editorial office considers since airports are her favorite runway to unleash her wild style. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you can have a good laugh, or else tell it to Riri; she cracks up every time she comes home.
Bye haters!